Phobias

[morningstar]

Have any of you suffered from a phobia...and if so, have you been successful in overcoming it? I would be interested to know how you did it.

I know that slowly exposing oneself to the thing that is feared will help to desensitize a person to the fear. Hypnosis has worked for some, as well.

I can pinpoint the exact memory that began my current phobia...it is a very early childhood memory and the moment when my "viewpoint" changed regarding what I fear. Perhaps if I can regress back to the time of that memory, I could undo the pattern?

I have gotten better slowly over the years...mainly by being in places where I have encountered my fear. So - is facing it the best way to go?

What are your impressions/suggestions?

[vajramukti]

My childhood fears were solved thru humor, oddly enough. I would take my fears to my parents, who would give it some thought, then come back to me with a humorous anecdote that would diminish the scope of it.

For example, I had a recurring nightmare around age 6 of being in the gymnasium at school with a fishnet, the kind you get goldfish with at the pet store. Across the gym was this enormous sea monster, and I was supposed to catch it with the net.

I woke up night after night screaming about this until one night my Mom simply said, "Hurry up and catch it so we can eat it."

I giggled, and never had the dream again.

I don't know what your phobia is, or even if humor would be appropriate, but it has worked for me.

I would imagine that identification of the root cause of it would help, as well.

Can you give more information?

[morningstar]

Yes - I have read that humour is one way to overcome a fear.

Nature lover that I am - I'm ashamed to say I have a fear of spiders. I've gotten much better over the years, and now I only "feel" that phobic thing when it comes to BIG spiders.
I'm not afraid of any other "harmless" creatures - rodents, snakes, leeches, etc., I have no problem with.

The early memory I spoke of ... I was preschool age...I loved all animals/creatures as a child (I even used to save the worms my brother planned to take fishing with him... haha ). I had a spider "friend"...big, black spider that lived outside in the basement window sill. She had a find web, I remember. I used to sit and watch her...and talk to her...(weird little kid...how little has changed...LOL). Anyway - one day I showed my grandmother my "friend"...and I didn't expect her reaction. She became upset/disgusted...grabbed a broom and killed my spider and swept up all evidence of it's beautiful web. I remember trying to stop her - and crying over it all. She explained that it was a dirty bad thing and we don't make pets of such things.

I began to emulate what I saw around me...my sister also used to freak out when she saw one. That is the root of my fear.
I'm not blaming them for their fear - but that is how mine developed. That is why I have always pretended to be okay with spiders when I'm around children...telling them about the beauty of their webs and how interesting they are...while inside I'm panicking...ha.

Maybe if I can get back in touch with that early child within me - I can undo this learned behavior/fear. I think I have to try to see the spider in the same light I did before I learned this fear.

Funny story...Chris and I were canoeing at the Creek a couple of weeks ago. We took a break at the shore under some trees and admired a big web that hung there...so seemingly delicate and yet so strong. We continued up the Creek...Chris got out to push us through a shallow spot...when I looked down there was a HUGE black spider sitting not a foot in front of me in the canoe! I literally flew out into the water...LOL Chris laughed...said, "wow, that is a big one!" He gently removed it with the oar and put it back onto the shore...uuugghhh - it was the size of a mouse! I was so ashamed of my reaction, funny as it was. It was a completely irrational blind fear that I felt. I wonder if we had of been in deeper water, what would I have done? Would I have capsized us? Possibly...my fear is that overwhelming.
So - I have become determined to overcome this. I feel it's important to deal with these fears...not carry them forward.
I'm just surprised at how hard it is to do this...so deeply rooted is the fear.

[Frater G]

I can understand your fear Morningstar. I have a good friend...my oldest friend Linda. She is still absolutely terrified of spiders...even the teeny ones. She would turn pale and would have a look of horror when she saw one. We grew up together, she is a couple years older than me and I looked up to her when I was really young. Anyways she had projected that fear in me. Later I overcame the irrational fear by educating myself on which are dangerous and which are not. The dangerous ones we should respect.

;D I chuckled at your canoe experience....Once when I was young I climbed into a tent with an Orb spider inside....I remember being shocked and flew the hell right outta there yelling....lol. Another time I was sitting on the couch in a house I once rented. I was barefoot and all of a sudden I felt this weight traverse over my foot. I mean it was heavy. My first thought was a mouse... but when I looked over there was the biggest wolf spider I have ever seen running across the floor. AHHHHH! Shiver me timbers...you know? hahaha

I used to have a fear of speaking in public. Ever since I was six years old and I gave an oral report about something. The teacher taped us and then played it back. I remember my voice sounding all squeaky like. hahaha...but I really felt embarrassed inside. I carried that for years until I was forced to speak in front of crowds. I once joined a multi level marketing deal which was at best a learning experience. Speaking in front of five thousand made my legs shaky at first but eventually I became quite good at it. So now I enjoy speaking to audiences. ;D

Facing fear is what it takes ultimately I guess.

[morningstar]

I was sitting on the couch in a house I once rented. I was barefoot and all of a sudden I felt this weight traverse over my foot. I mean it was heavy. My first thought was a mouse... but when I looked over there was the biggest wolf spider I have ever seen running across the floor. AHHHHH! Shiver me timbers...you know? hahaha

Yikes! Just reading that gave me the creeps.
I found myself lifting my feet off the floor...checking under my desk...you know - the usual phobic response...

But you are right...facing the fear is the ultimate answer here.
I have been reading about slowly introducing oneself to the thing that is feared. Start with pictures of spiders...then touch the pictures...then look at a contained spider...etc...until, ultimately, you can actually touch or hold one. Once this has been achieved the phobia has been cured...(duh! obviously... ). Right now I could not bring myself to hold or touch one. I may have to start with a tiny type spider and work my way up... Hey - you have to start somewhere.

I'll keep ya'all posted on my progress...should be amusing, I'm sure! ;D

[Frater G]

I may have to start with a tiny type spider and work my way up...

I was thinking about what you said here. Think about this...the tiny spiders are the ones that bite us in normal everyday life causing itchy bumps. A funny thing happened yesterday. I felt a crawling presence on my right tricep. Instinctively I slapped my arm to kill whatever it was. My tricep got hot and itched for around two hours. That was a spider bite from what I've experienced before.

I've only held a tarantula once. At first I was nervous then I remember it became a friendly experience, a relief of sorts. Maybe start with the big ones?

[morningstar]

I've only held a tarantula once. At first I was nervous then I remember it became a friendly experience, a relief of sorts. Maybe start with the big ones?

Yes - this might be a good idea. We have a friend who inherited two tarantulas when his daughter moved off to University. (Lucky guy!) I thought of asking him to help me...but - I don't fully trust that he would refrain from freaking me out just a little.

I need to be able to completely trust the individual in a case like that. Maybe if I downed a few drinks first?...ummm...hmmm...probably defeats the purpose, doesn't it?
I may talk to my friend and see if he'd be willing to help me...sounds like a great phobia buster! Maybe I can temporarily adopt one of them... ... ick! I may grow to love it...eventually...

[vajramukti]

Aug 21, 2008 16:49:02 GMT -5 morningstar said:

I've only held a tarantula once. At first I was nervous then I remember it became a friendly experience, a relief of sorts. Maybe start with the big ones?

Yes - this might be a good idea. We have a friend who inherited two tarantulas when his daughter moved off to University. (Lucky guy!) I thought of asking him to help me...but - I don't fully trust that he would refrain from freaking me out just a little.

I need to be able to completely trust the individual in a case like that. Maybe if I downed a few drinks first?...ummm...hmmm...probably defeats the purpose, doesn't it?
I may talk to my friend and see if he'd be willing to help me...sounds like a great phobia buster! Maybe I can temporarily adopt one of them... ... ick! I may grow to love it...eventually...

OK, this is going to sound hokey...but get a rubber spider, one that looks real. After you get comfortable with it, have Chris leave it in places that you will find it. Obvious places at first. He should tell you about it, like, "Hey, I left the spider somewhere in the kitchen." You can then go and look for it, and over time, you will condition your reaction. I did this with a girlfriend a number of...years or decades...ago with her fear of snakes. I never "played" with her or attempted to frighten her, and we slowly, over the course of a few months, increased the "shock value" of the finding, until she got to where she could pull the covers back on the bed, see a snake laying there, and, jump a little, but not panic.

We knew it had worked when I bought a different color rubber snake, and she didn't have a meltdown when she found it.

Your overall fear may remain, even if you learn to suppress it. But what you can do in real life is condition your response to your fear from one of sheer panic to mild surprise.

Fear of spiders is good. Often, fear repels us from the things that can harm us, and spiders are capable of that. If you have ever been bit by a brown recluse, you know what I mean.

However, driving off the road headlong into a tree because something moved on the dashboard is far more dangerous. I would rather go to the hospital and be treated for the bite.

[morningstar]

Actually, Vaj, your idea sounds plausible. It is a matter of reconditioning one's responses, after all.

I have come a long way over the years. At one time I would have panicked at the sight of a spider, broken out in a sweat, the whole anxiety bit...but my response has become much more subdued over time. There are those moments, however, like the canoe insident - where the old reaction comes right back.

I have seen Chris pick a spider up by it's thread and take it outside...or skoot it into a container and remove it. I would like to get to that point, where I can get close enough without that old anxiety setting in.

I spent today cleaning the cabin by the Creek. I hadn't slept there in awhile...and it had a few "inhabitants". I did pretty good, although the cleaning process took twice as long as it should have.

Chris might find the rubber spider thing a bit goofy...but I'm sure he'll go along with it. Knowing him, though, it may become a source of amusement for him... (My reactions are pretty funny, after all. )
Regardless...my determination to overcome this will win in the end - I'm very stubborn.